Clearing the way for exquisite relationships
I consider myself to be a very happy, very fulfilled and very loved person. I am loved, deeply; Seen, deeply; Supported, deeply. My life is currently a beautiful blend of security & adventure, nourishment & eroticism, expansive, penetrative, healing, LOVE.
And yes, I’m shouting from the rooftops!
Life is not perfect, and I cannot control my destiny or what will befall us. Sometimes it really hurts, sometimes I’m hella grumpy and sometimes it can feel really challenging. And who knows what can happen around the corner?
But… whilst we cannot control everything that happens to us, we really can work with what we have to make space for the beautiful things to come into. But we have to choose. Without making the space, without creating the structure we do not magically end up on the path of our dreams.
It may not be obvious, but I do not have a history of happy relationships that paved the path to me today. Some were beautiful and I explored what it was like to be in love and feel love. Some were mentally, emotionally, physically & coercively abusive.
Seemingly again and again I would choose relationships that did not serve me and that caused me immense harm.
And… I’m going to get super vulnerable here… I caused harm too. My own relationship patterns were codependent, based on insecurity, and reeling with unresolved trauma from my childhood.
So how did I get from point A → B? How do clients get from point A → B? How can you get from point A → B?
As humans, we crave connection. From the moment we’re born, we’re wired to need other people — for survival, well-being, and growth. But the relationships we form as children often shape patterns that stay with us, and not all of those patterns serve us. They show up in how we love, how we connect or don’t connect, and how we hurt each other.
Step 1. Awareness & understanding.
The first step to breaking free from these cycles is awareness. Learning deeply about yourself is a game changer. Maybe you cling in relationships out of fear of being abandoned, or maybe you push people away because you’re scared of getting hurt. These are survival mechanisms, and they make sense. But relationships defined by these survival patterns are not healthy.
Step 2. Healing.
Once you start seeing these patterns, you can begin healing. Healing isn’t about “fixing” yourself because you’re not broken. It’s about creating space inside you for healthy, nurturing relationships to grow. This might mean facing the shadows you’ve been avoiding for years, and leaning into being with these challenging feelings in a different way.
3. Choice.
Once we have cleared the way, then comes the conscious choice of how we want to show up in our relationships — learning new ways that we often have no model for. It’s about being clear with ourselves and our partners — creating agreements built on honest communication, mutual support, and space for individual growth. Relationships are alive; they grow and change, just like we do.
4. Growth.
This is where love, pleasure, and true connection can flourish. We learn and explore in this safe container what we love and what is possible and we GROW our experiences of pleasure and satisfaction and fulfilment.
So how do we clear the way for healthy, nourishing relationships? We do the inner work. We get real with ourselves about what we need, what we’re scared of, and what we truly desire. We show up fully and consciously. We create space for love to grow, for communication to flow, and for intimacy to deepen.
It is the journey of the heart and of the soul, and worth every single moment.
